sO basically, ya knOw hOw i was all excited abOut my parents cOmin?? Oh nO... it was an ambush. i dOnt even wanna talk abOut it. i'll just infOrm yOu that my 'rentals apparently read my blOg regularly and like... pretty much called me a whOre and crap. k sO let me clarify. i have skipped a lOt Of class this semester. i'm gettin back On the right track and tryin tO get my wOrk dOne sO i can be successful like i knOw i have the pOtential tO dO. i dOnt hang Out with girls (Other than meg and bre) and i'm always with the bOys. by nO means dOes that mean i DO THINGS with them in that way... i DONT. they are just my friends. YES, i am in cOllege and i DO drink.... ON THE WEEKENDS. it in nO means affects my perfOrmance during the week. i DO NOT dO drugs.... thats just nOt my thing. YES me and megan have kissed befOre but we were drunk. and in my blOg when it says "licked her bOObs" it wasnt like that... AT ALL. sO dOnt assume. i licked her upper chest that was OUT of her shirt already. we're nOt THAT big Of whOres. and i just wanna say sOmething. first tO my parents. DO NOT EVEN have the nerve tO judge me fOr dOin the same things yOu did when yOu were my age. and that gOes fOr all Of yOu that ARE my age. i have never in my life been wOrried abOut my reputatiOn. never ever. i dO NOT care AT ALL what Other peOple think Of me. i live my life every day fOr ME and nOt fOr Other peOple. i knOw the things i dO and i will live with the cOnsequences. anyways... thats all i wanted tO say.

actually, i just want tO say i lOve breanne sOoOo much... like mOre than i ever have. it takes a true friend tO lOOk yOu in the face and say "yOu're messing up." thank yOu sO much fOr everything yOu dO!! k gOtta gO... BYE!

k so i hate life. i just went and met meg because basically her life is more screwed up than mine is, which is hard to imagine. dead up, i want to just get drunk and go to the club tonight. no bs. i just want ONE guy to look at me and be like "you're pretty" because honestly, me and megan both are feelin like ass. HMMMMM I SOOOO KNOW A SECRET THAT IS SOOOOO GONNA BRIGHTEN MEGANS DAY UP SOOOOO MUCH!!! DAMN IT. where is my day-brightening secret? because i suuure am still cryin my flippin eyes out. i hate life. and even my kitty hates me today. shes mad at me cause i made her sleep in the bathroom. but damn it, she was up all flippin night/mornin meowin her ass off. and these were not normal cat meows. these were like "ooooooooowwwww" "meaooowoww" "maaaooooo" and i really just wanted her to shut up. oh yea, have i mentioned my life sucks? oh wait. i did. well, good news... todd turned 18 today. i sure hope he has a better 18th than i did. *i'M sO SiCk Of LoVe SoNgS... sO sAd AnD sLoW...* grrr i hate life. basically, i just want u to know that i love justin. as i was bein pitiful and watchin the notebook last night, i realized something. we are a lot like allie and noah. together and so crazy in love. torn apart. been with other people, thought we were happy, and then met up down the road. i know i will be with justin again one day. this is just my time to get out all the cRaZy and all the STUPID CRUSHES that ARENT worth my tears AT ALL!! but damn it... what i wouldnt give to just go back in time to those days of perfection? i would give anything to go back to that thursday mornin. i was so happy. it was great. ok well im just makin myself sadder because i can only think about u and hm... your "new goal." cute. i'm soo glad u feel the need to talk to me about it. i love it. it really brings a SMILE to my face. yea ok anyways... does anyone have some good ways to kill yourself? just let me know. basically my mommy and daddy are comin to visit today. i havent seen my mommy since CHRISTMAS so i'm really excited to see her. she always makes me happy when i'm sad. ok basically let me clarify something. i dont hate the person. just the situation. basically i wanna kill the situation and just be able to... idk. idk. idk what i want. well, i know what i want. i just know that its IMPOSSIBLE. and thats what sucks. and then fact that i'm worried about it, and you arent AT ALL... well, that sucks too. hmmm... ok so i've def said enough. this blog entry is prolly gonna get me in a lot of trouble. but... who cares. could my life POSSIBLY get worse? oh thats a no. k well imma go find somethin that can be used as a noose... i'll bbl.

sO i really thOught that "my chemical rOmance - i'm nOt Ok" was sOoOo last year, but i guess nOt. cause nOw, yet again, i find myself singing the same familiar tune... "i'm nOt Ok... i'm nOt O-fuckin-k." cute right? sO basically idk hOw many Of yOu knOw this, but i'll gO ahead and just spit Out the whOle damn stOry. last semester me and jOsh, my neighbOr hOOked up. and then ya knOw, i went hOme fOr christmas and justin came back intO my life. it was sO perfect. i realized hOw much i lOve him and hOw bad i need him in my life. well, then i gOt back here at the beginning Of the semester. and i laid dOwn the law. i was like "jOsh me and u are just friends. i lOve justin." well that didnt last lOng. jOsh is Over here like 24-7. we always spend time tOgether. and i dO lOve justin mOre than anything in the wOrld. he was just hurt that i was always with a guy that really, really likes me as much as jOsh dOes. k well, recently, i kinda just gave up On hangin Out with girls (minus mOmma and may may). sO ive been hangin with all the guys like 24-7. well, then me and jOsh started hangin Out with heath mOre. and yea, as yOu can imagine... i gOt it bad fOr heath. like super bad. like... this kid is my definitiOn Of perfect. well, Of cOurse there was nO way in the wOrld i cOuld tell jOsh that. but i tOld justin. and it hurt jus pretty bad because he knew hOw much i liked heath. but sO anyways. even megan was like "i have never heard yOu talk abOut a guy the way yOu talk abOut heath." sO yea... it was bad. sOo... well... One day... jOshua cOmes in my rOOm and takes a peeky at my cOmputer and reads a cOnvO between me and heath. the cOnvO cOnsisted Of me bein like "baby yOu are sO perfect.... yOu are the hOttest bOy in the wOrld." and shit like that. and it alsO cOnsisted Of heath bein like "lOOk, we gOtta stOp talkin because jOsh is my hOmie and he is crazy abOut yOu and i just cant dO this tO him." sO... jOsh flipped. he was mOre mad at heath than me and i dOnt even knOw why. we didnt even dO anything, man. the Only thing is that i have feelings fOr him. sO basically, nOw i can never ever ever ever ever ever ever talk tO heath again because thats basically hOw jOsh set it up, sO i'm devastated. Oh but theres mOre. karma. that bitch hates me. nO bs. nOw... heath has gOt himself sprung by sOmeOne else. sO basically ive tried tO kill myself abOut 100 different ways but they never wOrk. i tried tO drOwn myself in the shOwer but libby brOught me a snorkle. i tried tO be pitiful and drOwn myself in tears by watchin the nOtebOOk, but then my best friend instincts kicked in and i switched tO helpin megan gO thru herrr bad time... which, might i add... was far wOrse than mine.

k actually, i gOtta gO meet megan.

tO be cOntinued....

i really wanna be with you, but i gotta be real with you, i cant leave you alone, and i know i'm living wrong, but i cant let you go... fAb*

sO i guess last night was all talk. i wOuld lOve tO drOp all the bOys in my life, but as sOmeOne prOved this mOrnin... that will just never happen. theres just tOo much there. all i can say is "perfectiOn."

k sO basically i just wOke up. frOm my 039432 hOur nap. channing's cute ass wOke me up talkin abOut sOme "gO dOwn girl, give head, gO dOwn" lmaO! yeaaa she knOws whats up. i'm abOut tO dl it and put ALLL ya'll On it. especially my bOys!!!

anyways, i had a bad cOuple Of nights. i was really super sad abOut "a bunch Of shit" (lOl) but then sOmething put a huge smile On my face and made everything Ok again. thank yOu... yOu knOw whO yOu are. ;)

in basically pretty cOnfused abOut what i'm dOin tOnight. i knOw what i wOuld like tO be dOin... buuut i think me and the master are gOnna get drunk and gO tO bAr ChAr like RIGHT after the Oc... dOesnt that sOund like a great night??? yea, yOu're jealOus.

k sO whOever invented nO schOOl tOmOrrOw is basically my life herO. i mean, nOt that i wOuldnt have skipped anyway prOlly, but at least this way it dOesnt take away frOm my grade!!

uuuuugh can all yOu guys just PLEASE leave me alOne. this is like an emOtiOnal rOllercOaster and i'm DEF gettin mOtiOn sickness frOm it. i hate it. HATE it.

hmmm mOmma b is On her way tO cOme see me and i'm realllllllly excited!! yay!!! actually i'm really hungry sO maybe we can eat sOme gOOd fOOd.

HAPPY GROUNDHOGS DAY EVERYONE!!!! i have tO gO nOw thO... k lOve yOu!!!! byyyyyeee!!!

i have ab0ut a milli0n and 0ne things t0 catch up 0n. first... t0day is friday. my last bl0g entry left 0ff 0n m0nday night, and as -hEaTh- reminded me...
dhg150 2 (11:59:42 AM): ummmmmm im pretty sure your slackin on your blog!!!
s0 i th0ught i sh0uld catch up... f0r his sake...  . s0... m0nday after they g0t 0ut 0f class... i actually d0nt kn0w what i did. l0l. basically this was kind-0f a dramatic week. i f0und 0ut that bReAnNe isnt g0nna live with me and megan in an apartment next year, megan is m0ving t0 Nevada with fRaNkiE (aka her bf), bRe m0ved 0ut 0f 0ur suite and s0 did 0ne 0f my 0ther suitemates s0 n0w its just me and jasmane, me and JuStiN<3 had a c0uple really g00d talks s0 that n0w we're 0n the same page, i skipped all my classes tuesday and wednesday, i rearranged my BIG ASS r00m s0 n0w i have a king sized bed and a wh0le l0t of space, annnnnnnnd an0ther big huge secret that n0 0nes kn0ws ab0ut (except my best) that i cann0t tell any0ne else in the w0rld because it is s0 huge and CANNOT leak 0ut t0 the public.

k thats all the b0rin stuff... let me get t0 last night. k... last night was my first night al0ne in my big brand new r00m, s0 t0 celebrate, megan wanted t0 c0me 0ver and drink. s0 me, meg, sparks, j0sh, and justin were all in here drinkin. me and megan had v0dka and sparks had beer. well, i chugged my v0kda & juice, then b0nged a beer, and my t0lerence must be decreasing because i was feelin pretty g00d by then. and megan sipped 0n s0me vodka and juice and THEN mixed s0me m0re. and sparks was like "dare y0u t0 b0ng it" and megan's a hard ass... s0 y0u kn0w she did it. then like 5 mins later she l0cked herself in the bathr00m and she was 0n the ph0ne with frank. well, she w0uldnt c0me 0ut s0 i finally made every0ne leave (after they made Splinter drink beer AND v0dka) and i was g0nna g0 get megan and make her just g0 ahead and c0me t0 bed with me. and THEN i head a burp c0ugh PUKE!! s0 i FLIPPED 0ut and ran and g0t j0sh and he came in and was helpin megan and i left. i c0uldnt handle it, s0 i walked d0wn t0 -hEaTh'S- r00m and kn0cked but i guess he was already asleep cause he never answered... s0 then i didnt have anywhere t0 g0 s0 i just st00d in the hall... then j0sh came 0ut and we talked. and then i came back in and baracaded myself in my r00m and j0sh was all sweet and crap t0 megan. i was sittin 0n my bed with the music up and the d00r cl0sed, b0th bathr00m d00rs cl0sed, and i c0uld still hear megan pukin. s0 i freaked 0ut. and i kinda started feelin bad f0r her... s0 i walked in the bathr00m and thru the d00r i was like "megan i just want u t0 kn0w i l0ve u and i want u t0 feel better" and she was like "n0000 y0u d0nt!! i kn0w y0u hate me!!! i'm s0 s0rry!!!" and i felt even w0rse. and 0riginally i was like "MEGAN HAS TO LEAVE!!! SHE CANT STAY HERE!!!" s000 j0sh knew i was freaked 0ut real bad and knew i didnt want her in my r00m s0 he was g0nna let her sleep 0n his c0uch. buuut when we asked megan if she was ready t0 get up and g0 lay d0wn she said she wanted t0 sleep in the bathr00m. and she did. with her head 0n the t0ilet seat... cute as pie. l0l. s0 i w0ke up this m0rnin at 8 s0 i c0uld g0 t0 class and jasmane was in the bathr00m and megan was 0n my c0uch c0vered up. jasmane had c0vered her up and checked 0n her... cute as crap. annnd she cleaned up s0me 0f the puke in the bathr00m. s0 i just left megan there... 0n the c0uch... and went t0 class. fell asleep in class. came back here and crawled back in bed. and didnt wake back up until 1:30 which is AFTER my sec0nd and third classes 0f the day. and i checked my ph0ne and i had a missed call fr0m megan. s0 i called her back. and she was FINE!! like n0t hung 0ver AT ALL and he was like app0l0gizin like crazy and i t0ld her it was 0k and crap. and then i heard s0methin. and i was like "megan, are u still here?" and she was like "wait are YOU here?" l0l she didnt kn0w i was still in bed and i didnt kn0w she was still 0n the c0uch s0 i came 0ut there and talked t0 her. she was ab0ut t0 g0 t0 eat with bre and s0me kid fr0m w0rk. s0 yea... after she left i cleaned the t0ilet... YES i actually cleaned a puke t0ilet. be pr0ud. then i chilled until they g0t d0ne eatin and they came back t0 get me and we went t0 walmart and then we came back here and me and bre t00k naps (in 0ur 0wn seperate r00ms) and then we w0ke up and she came t0 see me and we st0le natalie's car and went back t0 walmart t0 pick up my pics (i printed 121 pics l0l) and theeen we went t0 bl0ckbuster and rented RED EYE which is VERY g00d by the way. annnd n0w i am all al0ne. i'm pretty much miserable right n0w. my b0ys, wh0 i spend m0st 0f my time with, are... hmm... h0w can i put this... 0ccupied... at the m0ment. j0sh has invited me 0ver there with them 29403829083290834 times but i d0nt wanna g0 because i kn0w hes the 0nly 0ne that wants me 0ver there. the rest 0f them will pr0lly get pissed as s00n as i walk in the d00r. s0 i wish i w0uld have g0ne h0me t0night. justin came h0me and i WAS g0nna hang 0ut with him but i didnt have a ride. and i th0ught there w0uld be at least 0ne pers0n t0 hang 0ut with t0night. i guess i was wr0ng. i'm pr0lly g0nna try t0 g0 h0me t0m0rr0w. i WAS supp0sed t0 g0 t0 r0ckingham with -hEaTh & j0sH- but i'm pr0lly n0t g0nna. i think i w0uld have had m0re fun at h0me this weekend. the g00d thing is, i think ive finally g0t my r00m arranged h0w i want it. wh0 kn0ws th0. i'll pr0lly change it again t0m0rr0w. k well i'm just g0nna g0 t0 bed n0w because life is b0ring. k bye.

ps: i think i have a UTI which sucks s0 bad i cant even explain it. and 0n t0p 0f that i have really bad cramps because this is my first m0nth with0ut my BC because 0ver christmas i ran 0ut 0f pills and had t0 quit f0r a m0nth.

s0 i was g0nna g0 t0 bed. but i'm t0 b0red t0 g0 t0 sleep. i just walked 0ver t0 mike and j0sh's r00m. they (mike, j0sh, heath, shane, mikey, and j0el) are watchin Anchorman. and in the middle 0f the m0vie shane g0es "wait, what are we watchin?" and mike f0und it amazing that 3 0f us were all shakin 0ur leg at the same time. j0sh sketched 0ut when he saw that me, mikey, and j0el walked in the r00m. heath just sat there up against the wall. basically, they are really super c00l.

s0... i'm b0red. i miss megan. she just came 0ver f0r a sec. and we made up a dance. it was... c00l.... NOT. i t00k a pic 0f it, s0 u will all have the pleasure 0f l00kin at it.

k i guess i really am g0in t0 bed n0w. g'night.

sO basically i have kinda a lOt Of catchin up tO dO. yesterday i wOke up kinda late and went tO english kinda late lOl but it's Ok because at least i was there. then i gOt sOme breakfast and then i came back here at like 10:15 tO take a nap because i didnt have class until 12. sOoOo ask me if i slept thru my alarm. Oh that wOuld be a yes. i wOke up at 3. lOl. sO i was sittin at my cOmputer and breanne* and sarah* walked in. and sarah was playin with sPLiNtEr and i saw the bre IMed me. i was kinda cOnfused at first. but we had a really gOOd talk. things werent quite the same with us fOr a LOOOOONG time and it was a LOT easier tO talk abOut Our prOblems Online instead Of face-tO-face. but basically there are a lOt Of things i realized. breanne and megan care abOut me mOre than anyOne else On this earth. i am sO lucky tO have them in my life. sO i'm glad we gOt all that wOrked Out. k sO then megan* called and the 3 Of us went tO -campus edge- tO lOOk at apartments fOr next year. its $400 per persOn per mOnth there. annnnd its nOt furnished. k sO then we went tO -campus cOnnectiOn- and its $414 a mOnth per persOn and it IS furnished. annnd the rOOms are bigger. annnd the bathrOOms are bigger. annnnd the kitchen is bigger. sO is the laundry rOOm, living rOOm, and theres a place fOr a dining rOOm table. sOoOoO we basically liked it better. buuuut me and megan think $400 AND $414 are BOTH a lOt Of mOney a mOnth. but if yOu think abOut it... right nOw i'm payin like $2,000 Or sOmething in that area PER SEMESTER tO live here. AND i have tO have a meal plan that i DONT use that is like idk... anOther $1,000 Or sO... sO its basically cheeper tO get an apt. annnd my financial aid CAN pay my rent. sOoOo i'm pretty much really excited. annnd -campus cOnnectiOn- is RIGHT behind VeRiZoN WiReLeSs sO anytime there is a cOncert... we basically get tO hear it fOr free. sO anyways, then we went tO RDH and sat fOr a milliOn years. the fOOd was, Of cOurse, grOss. buuut we had sO much fun talkin abOut disney mOvies and tryin tO name all the characters. "hey, what is the flOunder's name frOm little mermaid...? OMGAH FLOUNDER!!!!!!!" lOl. d/a.

k actually i wrOte all that up there like... friday afternOOn. nOw its mOnday night. sOoOo... i have even mOre catchin up tO dO. after we gOt back tO the dOrm, my SeCrEt ViSiToRs called and wanted tO cOme back up here. sOoO i said YES. and then me, megs, and the 2 secret bOys went tO the gas statiOn tO buy beer and hung Out fOr a little bit. then everyOne came Over. including FRANKY (aka megans bf). sO it was me, sPaRkS, megan, frankie, mikey, mike, jOsh, penis, tim, and i dOnt even knOw whO else. breanne had tO gO hOme that night sO she didnt get tO share the fun with us :( . k sO basically, drinkin vOdka, beer, vOdka, beer FUCKED me up really bad. i was DRUNK Off my ASS. it was bad. k sO fOr a shOt Of vOdka, i had tO... well... shOw a little bOOb. well, i made megan dO it with me. sOoOo there were abOut a milliOn cameras Out, Of cOurse. Oh yea, and we made Out. again. lOl. i licked her bOObs. lOl. One wOrd... DRUNK! sO anyways, i gOt really sick and thOught i was gOnna puke sO i passed the fuck Out On the bed but ended up On the cOuch and everyOne left me but MARTIN!!! and he stayed with me until i fell asleep!! sO basically i lOve him. k day 2. i pretty much stayed in my rOOm layin On the cOuch with a headache until like 3 when i went and laid On martin's cOuch lOl. we watched *WeDdiNg CrAsHeRs* and i liked it!! and theeen i talked tO HEATHY POO Online and tOld him everything he had missed Out On. and yes, he knew what was up. "wOrd On the street says i shOulda been in charlOtte last night." lOl. k sO then i finally gOt my ass in the shOwer and gOt ready tO gO tO cHiLi'S with MaRtiN, pEtEy, NaTe, JoRdAn, MeGaN, AnD fRaNk!! k sO then we came back here and gOt ready fOr rOund 2. annd ya'll knOw i'm a vOdka girl, but the vOdka was megan's sO i didnt get any... sO i had tO drink beer. i hate beer, but it aint that bad if yOu can chug it like a prO. k sO everyOne Of cOurse was thrOwin dOwn in my rOOm again. wellll it was CRUNK. me and megan were DANCING like whOres. makin Out. gettin nakey. i had a 3-way kiss with meg and frank. it was weird lOl. AND... the best part. me and megan bOnged beer. we WERE beer-bOngin virgins until sPaRkS pOpped Our cherry. k wellll.... meg went first and i was still kinda freaked Out but then sPaRkS was like "dOnt wOrry, its just like givin head" and i was like "OOOOh Ok!!!" and did it. lOl. i'm gay like that. hmmm... mikey gOt sOoOoOo shitfaced when he finally went tO bed he puked all Over himself and didnt even knOw it. what else happened? hmmm. OH!! mikey was like "hey lets gO smOke." and nOne Of yOu can pOssibly knOw hOw funny that is. me and mikey are usually the Only 2 left behind while everyOne ELSE gOes and smOkes (since we dOnt). and i bOut went with him and jOsh, but then i thOught Of hEAtH, and hOw sad he wOuld be if i went withOut him. sO i said nO!! k sO i dOnt think anything tOo impOrtant happened that night. WEELLL wait. i just want u all tO knOw i was wearin my new FAV shirt and i like it a lOt. k sO then... there are nO wOrds tO describe what came next. lOl. sO anyways. megan and frank called me sunday mOrnin... well, afternOOn at like 2 and me, meg, frank, and jOsh went tO tacO bell. hmmm it was gOOd. then meg and frank left and i chilled here and CLEANED UP all the SHIT frOm the weekend. there was beer On everything. my straightener, my flOOr, the shOwer, the wall, the mirrOr, the cOuch... it was bad. frank spit sunflOwer seeds On my flOOr and EVERYoNE spilled chips and pOpcOrn all Over my cOuch and livin rOOm. sO basically i cleaned all the way until halftime Of the PaNtHeRs GaMe. sO when i finally gOt dOne i went and watched the game in Mike's rOOm with Mike, Mikey, Josh, Shane, Heath, Penis, and i think thats it. and YES that game was a disapOintment because we're nOt gOin tO the super bOwl, but u have tO admit that the seahawks played an awesOme game. it pisses me Off that peOple are tryin tO give the panthers SHIT nOw. yea i think DelhOmme has had WAAAY better games, but the seahawks knew what they had tO dO -- eliminate Steve Smith, and they did. sO... nOw, i am pullin fOr the Steelers in 2 weeks and cant wait fOr the Panther seasOn next year. end Of that. hmm. k sO after the game, everyOne just passed the fuck Out. k sO then i wOke up this mOrnin and went tO english. then came back here and tlaked tO HEATH and had prOlly the cutest cOnvO ever invented. it was great!!!!!!!!!!! yeeaaaa he knOws whats up. then i went tO mOre classs. and then walkin back i scared the SHIT Out Of Heath and Justin (aka big penis lOl). then i walked back tO cypress with jOsh and shane. and then i chilled in here until i was in the hall On the phOne with megan and saw heath's FINNNNNNE ASSSSSS takin the trash Out. sO Of cOuse i tOld him the "stOry" and went back tO his rOOm with him, sparks, and big penis lOl. and i chilled with them fOr like ever. until all the bOys had tO gO tO their lab. fun. k sO thats where i am nOw. waitin fOr them tO get dOne at 9. k sO imma gO nOw. lOve yOu!!